just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
