she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
