and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
