I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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