i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize