then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We don't watch enough power rangers
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
