So drunk its hurt
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
