I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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