I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
