He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
