I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
