nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Randomize
