I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize