Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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