This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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