I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Drunk is not a location!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
