My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
