Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
