So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
