last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
