I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
