Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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