Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
