please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
