Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
someone owes me an orgasm
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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