Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
