I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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