I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
