last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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