I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
