I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
