Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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