Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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