i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
