I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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