Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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