first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
