I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
