Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
