why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
