Please don't use social media to get back at me.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
