im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
