i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
