I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
