as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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