no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
