just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I party with great urgency now.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
