I can tuck mytits in my pants
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
