Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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