she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
