Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
