M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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