Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
