My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
