Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
