these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
