The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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