turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize