I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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