first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
