You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
