coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
