Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
