Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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