she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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