Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize