my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
