I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
