i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize