Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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