I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
